In this article, I will be sharing with you a couple of women who have gone through the same situation and are now living happily with their children because they discovered this truth and avoided common couples' mistakes about childbearing in marriage.
Having read this article, I hope you too will earn more courage and sooner we'll celebrate you.
First, I must start by saying, "marriage is not only meant for childbearing," but should base on True Love.
The question is; do you know what True Love is?
Please get me right: This doesn't make childbearing less important (in marriage) but all I'm saying is, "Love" (TRUE LOVE) should be the first thing you must be sure you have towards "your husband/wife to be" before launching yourself into a marriage.
Marriage can be influenced by so many things (characters, Attitudes, Believes, Tribe etc). The influence could either be positive, or negative, "that's depends on the maturity of the couples in concern," but Believes are one of most common syndromes that affect marriage negatively, and make some couples suffer so much, ignorantly for what they don't suppose to suffer for at all.
This is what moved me to write on this and try my best to enlighten people on this after I was told.
about some scenarios of women who were badly treated by their In-laws, and even their own husbands because of these misconceptions of childbearing.
about how some couples allowed others to give them unnecessary heartache, by making them feel something is wrong with their health that makes the wife not to conceive in at least two months after their wedding or after they've been staying together.
At least I know of two ladies that I'm very close to, One has faced such challenges (in the past) which have led to her being infected by a decease, and since then, whenever she gives birth, the child must be given an injection which costs over one hundred thousand to prevent the child from being affected by the decease. (The decease came as the result of the concussions they gave her to eat and drink by the herbalists she visited while seeking for a child)
She later got pregnant, but that was after some months when she put her mind to rest and put her trust in God alone, but the only cluster here was that she was already infected with this decease.
Can you see the reason why it's always better to Wait for God's time?
Because God's time is always the best time for us.
The second lady was also going through a serious trauma which gave her sleepless nights, and by the time I was talking with her, she was falling sick consistently because she was thinking too much of what someone was telling her and her husband, the reason being that the person thought she ought to have gotten pregnant.
Can You see? Not even their relatives or in-laws this time.
Hope You can Just imagine how people could truncate your life if you give them a chance?
I was told about this (by my wife) and felt I needed to encourage her to be strong by sharing our personal experiences, which I did, and after this her hope was restored, and she became so excited.
This same thing I'm about to share with you, so you might also be assisted if you are facing such challenges, or to help you avoid it by all means.
What's this Misconception about childbearing, in marriage, all about?
It's about the general belief that a woman is the primary cause of delay in conception. That is so rampant in African culture.
Many people believe that a lady who could not conceive in three months after her wedding must have immensely misused herself, and must have done abortions when she was younger, and that causes delayed conception. Many also think, is either she'd aborted, or something is wrong with her body system, and these make them focus more on the wife as the fault and less on the husband.
So many women are facing these challenges and are so confused because nobody seems to encourage them. Although, people come with the mind to encourage, but do the contrary by the time they are through talking, leaving the lady with more bother.
For example The lady I said I talk with (one on one). When I asked her; Why are you worried?
She said: it was this person (she mentioned the name) that called me and my husband and started asking; what is happening to us?, why haven't I got pregnant? Are we sure nothing is wrong?, Can't you see this person (referring to the husband's friend) that's his wife is already pregnant?, I can help take you both out to get a solution to it, (and ended it with) You better speak up if there's something wrong, so we can find a solution to it.
(Was that encouragement or discouragement?)
Then I asked: Have any of you talked to him before on this?
She said: No; Definitely not me, But I'm not sure if such conversation has ever been taken up between my husband and him before.
My next question was; do you both know your Genotype and Blood croup?
She: yes
Me: what was it?
She: my Genotype is AA and my husband's too.
Me: Blood group?
She: mine is 0+, my husband's 0-
Me: Do you know of anything that could delay you from being impregnated, have you check?
She: Yes, nothing.
That's when I started encouraging her.
Me: Then you have to stop bothering yourself on what's not, give yourself a rest of mind so that you can even be able to conceive on time.
Although I know people (including you) believed you should be pregnant after several sexual intercourses, but life is not always like that, our body systems are not the same, and they react to things differently. Now that you already know your Genotypes and blood groups, which are compatible. The next thing you need is more knowledge, keep making research on what works, and how it works (not mean you should go for treatment, a couple might just needed to change their lifestyle a little beat, or change the style you normally use when having sex or a lady might just be needed to stay Lyle down for some minutes, after each sexual intercourse, between her and her husband). Continue to do this until there is a result. And eat balanced diet meals.
I could remember my wife was once told something like that, and we consciously followed the prescription, and it worked for us.
Flashback: It took me and my wife eight months before the first conception, which we lost after Three months.
But during these times did we not meet people that could discourage us (like that man?)
We did, but one thing I never did was to be discussing it with someone. Even whenever someone asks, all I normally say is "God will do it. It's on the way," and sometimes turned it to a joke, and laugh it away. I refused to give them a chance to truncate my life with their own belief/ mentality.
Another thing I also refused to do was to think about it, whenever such a thought comes through my mind, what I always do is to quickly preoccupy my mind with something else (either singing or praying) and refused to allow my wife to lament too much over it.
Even when a doctor said we should go for an "infection test, " (which we never did) although, we were planning to go for the test, those experiences were never a threat to us. As we often believed nothing is wrong with us. All we did was kept praying and practicing what we were told by a Love Doctor (like changing our sex position, my wife, stay lying down for some minutes after sex, mind what we eat)
I could then see that all we needed was knowledge and discipline. To my surprise, after observing these for about two months, my wife got pregnant again.
So I don't think you have a problem, all you need do is to give yourself a rest of mind and avoid people from troubling you either, and what you are expecting will certainly come at God's time.
Then I told her about a woman I and my wife met (who encouraged us and not discourage us with her chosen words).
Conversation between me, my wife and the woman goes thus:
We met somewhere far from where we last met.
Me: Hi ma
Woman: Hi Bro, how are you doing?
M: I'm fine. What about the family?
Woman: We're all fine. Is that your wife?
Me: yes
Woman: Since when did you got married, and refused to let me know? and you couldn't even invite me to your wedding.
Me: About four months ago.
(We got married in November and met her in a match of a new year)
The Woman: She looked at my wife and said. You are the one I really want to talk with.
(And my wife greeted her)
Then she faced both of us and said;
Please don't allow anybody to put your minds in trouble for the issue concerns childbearing, if you want to get pregnant quickly then you must take your minds off it. Live a normal life. Don't give a chance for evil suggestions, Don't allow people to push you to do things that can affect you later, and you must give your minds rest if you really want to get what you want at the right time, and you'll see your child coming at God's time for you.
Me/my Wife: Thank you ma, and we left.
End of conversation.
(For me and my wife, that was an impressive word of encouragement which truly helped us through those times)
BACK TO THE PRESENT
Me and the Lady!
Me: Can you now see the difference?
She: yes (nodding her head)
Me: If it were to be an encouragement, then you won't have to give yourself to the wrong thoughts to the state of getting sick, or not been able to sleep.
She shook.
Me: Another question I'll like to ask is, Doe's your husband take alcohol?
She: Yes, even too much, and I've been telling him to stop it, but he wouldn't listen.
Me: You don't need not fight someone to make him change for the better, all you need to do is to make them see the reason they need to change for their own good.
All I want you to do now is to make research on those things that are practicable, make sure you follow the rules keenly and also make some research on all those alcohol drinks your husband is drinking, but after you must have read and understood, then keep and show your husband later, for him to also gain the knowledge, so that both of you can work on yourselves, for better effectiveness of what you practice, to get a quick result. But I must tell you again that, You both need to give yourselves rest of mind.
conclusion
With all we have learned from these people that have experienced the hurt side of these misconceptions, I think it'll be better for us to shift our focus on women as the cause of delay to conceive in marriage. What of the ways men are living their life outside their homes, do you think it can't affect anything?. For these, Husband and wife must work things out together, and stop mounting blames on one another. And people (family, friends, etc) should be sure they are not discouraging but encouraging whenever they are talking to couples that are facing such challenges.
If you believe, pray and do what you should do, you'll soon share your testimony with me.
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